Personal Spirtuality

I am not a church going person. I do understand how regular church attendance is critical to spiritual growth for the vast majority of the faith based population. I appreciate the fulfilling spiritual nourishment of a timely message and the warmth of a heartfelt gospel song.

As an African-American, I am humbled by the role of the black church in providing hope during the dark days of slavery. The church was a place of inspiration and refuge for the civil rights movement. The black church gave meaning and purpose to a downtrodden people. The church was our beacon that guided our ships through the perilous seas that begged to steal our hope and dignity. The church was there.

In my own life, I remember, as an 8 year boy, my grandmother, an AME pastor, charismatically delivering the word to a congregation partnering with her in a call and response emotional exchange. I vividly recall her excitement and passion as she rejoiced in exclaiming "hallelujah". I remember rediscovering my spiritual quest at 15 years old by joining a Baptist church in Camden, New Jersey. Oh yes, I have fond memories of listening to the inspirational and practical sermons of Rev. Mills.

I do fervently believe in the power of prayer. In fact, my days are spent in perpetual conversation with my god. My mission in life, albeit my personal flaws and shortcomings, is based on thy will be done and not for the sake of pursuing material reward as an end to itself.

Yet, I am not a church going person. Is it because I blame organized religion for the terror, violence, wars, poverty, hatred, racism and ignorance in the world today? Is it because I loathe the self-righteous and smug demeanor of the religious ilk? Is it because I see people with cold hearts pretend that one Sabbath/service a week of worship transforms them into a holy person?

While the above rings true to a certain extend (present company not excluded) the plain simple truth is I have not found a spiritual home.